Life Without Soy Sauce Isn't Really Living

what the fuck, life? 9 months later and you've gone changing me. Again. There are 25 days until my 21st birthday.

I've fucked mad bitches since my last post. Mad. Bitches.

I'm going to expand a post Mandy made about this weekend on the forums.

"tristan and i have been having fun.

-one of the bands that played at my job last night broke shit and i had to cut the power to the stage.
-kevin and his bandmates stayed at my house til 6am and i didnt even get any
-tristan hooked up with one of my housemates
-we ate burritos
-we ghost rode both my car and his car."

this was what, Saturday afternoon?

Shit, this weekend has been pretty much entirely nuts. I drove down Friday afternoon after getting lunch with one of my coworkers (this is the first time I've hung out with a coworker since the last one tried to frame me for stealing whipped cream canisters). The show was fun, her housemate was more fun and hanging out with Mandy and her other internet friend. Saturday night was a cast party at her house that got too intense, so I ended up going upstairs with Suzie and just watching Veronica Mars and going to bed. Did I mention how nice it is to fall asleep with a woman? As much as I like boysex, sometimes I like to feel masculine and cradle somebody in my arms.

Sunday we just kind of hung around and I was supposed to leave, but I ended up going to Upright Citizens Brigade and getting back to NJ at like 2am so I just crashed at WoCo (Mandy's house) again. I finally came home today, and i'm exhausted. Every weekend is more and more intense for me. Its not good. Check facebook for pictures.

I think of myself as a very independent person. I function pretty well on my own most of the time but every now and again I need reinforcements. Its a weakness but I figure, everybody's got one, huh?

My life is pretty good though. Starbucks is really taking over but its not a bad thing. I'm pretty stoked that I'm getting black apron certified which is a whole level of pretentious bullshit, but it makes my mobility within the company that much better. I don't really plan on living the Starbucks lifestyle but having the option in the interim between jobs is nice.


I'm sorry that all I ever write is bitching. I never see my lj anymore except in times of misery. The good times go undocumented since my readership dropped. Anybody who still reads this rag, kudos.

I say this every year but seriously, what the fuck 2007. Roller coaster of death and destruction and euphoria and amazing.

( How can we take this time not to celebrate? )

I can sum this up VERY easily. 50% Rachel, 25% other girls 10% personal identity and achievements and 10% apathy about school. Seriously. I truly fell in love with a girl for the second time and subsequently got my heart broken. My dad is still pissed about me not wanting to be an engineer and I feel awesome about working at Starbucks.

I can't even conceptualize what 2009 is going to be with me turning 21.

Things are on the up and up.


I saw Lisa last week and we worked things out a little better. I feel a lot better. Also Nate and I kicked ass at Mothers of Rock auditions. We rolled in, practiced the song with the rest of the band twice and went straight to the audition. How badass is that?


There might be a new lady on the horizon. Only time will tell.

I like when people I haven't seen for two years and are on relatively good (decent?) terms with repeatedly come to Boston from New York and don't call me or chat me up, despite staying with friends who live less than ten minutes from my work. I would be entirely ok with that person saying "Oh hey I'd rather not see you, I don't know if I can handle it" rather than "Next time, I promise" "I swear it next time".

I like it even less when the person randomly sends me a text message "Fuck You. Don't call me again until I call you" when I hadn't talked to them for days and then tries to pass it off like it was a mistake meant for somebody else. I don't think I've been anything less than friendly to her, nothing short of extremely supportive when I know she's been having some rough times at school. Its not about the sex or any of that shit either. This is a person I've been in contact with for the past 6 years of my life, through tons of the tough times I've been through and tons of the awesome, not to mention the roller coaster that's been her life. Six years that apparently mean dick to her. Apparently I've scarred her enough to the point where she doesn't even want to spend a half hour getting coffee with me.


Bitter? Maybe. Indignant? Definitely. Immature? Jury's out on that one.

It would've been 1 year on this upcoming 30th. Tragic. But you know. Its been 2 months and I think I'm genuinely starting to get over it. I've had a few breakdowns here and there but nothing that developed into anything serious. I mean its a dead horse by now but there are definitely some days I still miss her, and I hope she feels the same. I made myself a playlist for those days. By the middle I'm driven to tears, but by then end I feel so much more relieved.

This pressure valve is amazing for me. I've felt so horribly lonely the past two months. I've been so manic, but I'm starting to stabilize. I kind of wish I wasn't making such a big deal of it, but I feel like a cokehead forced to go through rehab. I don't crave Rachel specifically anymore, I just long for the bond we had. I'm excited that she seems to have finally broken through her shell and begun to make friends at school. I just wish I was there more to be a part of it.

In other news, despite my best efforts, my attempt at setting Gerard up with a respectable girl seems to be failing miserably. The friend of one of my old Middlesex friends, Vanessa is pretty cool and I spent a good two days building up Gerard in her eyes only for him to muck it up royally. He always seemed to crave the kind of bond Rachel and I had, and when I was poised to deliver just that to him, he didn't step up to the plate. Which is to say he only halfway swung. Due to complications with another girl he will probably not end up dating her, which is tragic, because I definitely could see them having serious potential. I mean it was kind of presumptuous of me to assume he wanted a relationship, but she seemed to be the answer to his loneliness, at least in my eyes. I guess I'm learning a lesson I should've learned long ago, back in the days of Emily. Both people in a relationship's love don't always (ever?) match up.

As for me? I'm just trying to find myself a companion to share some more insane adventures with, since I'm now inclined to drive to random places like Maine or Jersey at the drop of a hat.

There is nothing funnier than watching me try to pick up girls/boys. For serious.

"what the fuck! who do you think you are to tell someone that they are lowering their standards for a girl you not only dated but went back to a SECOND time!!!!!
you conceited asshole
maybe not everyone goes for looks...clearly none of your girlfriends did!!
oh and the take a hint the girl you always wanted didnt like you when you were fat and still doesnt like you!
but its ok because you like dick anways "



this is the type of drama I stay out of (this is an away from my friend about some boy).


oh high school.

sometimes when you fuck up, you REALLY fuck up.